Episode 66

How to Manifest Fun and Fulfilling Swinger Experiences

Creating positive experiences in the swinger lifestyle takes some intentional effort, but it's worth the work. The amazing, sexy stories you hear don't happen by magic; you have to put yourself in the right head and physical space. You also have to do the work to learn about events, connect with people, and take a few risks.

This process is about more than just luck—you can make it happen. Here’s how you can manifest positive experiences in your swinger lifestyle.

Define Your "Why"

Start by clearly defining what you want and why you want it. Ask yourself some questions to get to the heart of your motivations:

• Are you driven by sexual fantasies or by a desire to find new, fun, sexy friends?
  
  

• Do you have a specific goal, like a threesome or an orgy, or do you want to start slow and evolve over time7?
  
  

• What is your ultimate goal?
  
  

For Madison and her partner Barry, their initial goal was to explore threesomes with another man and eventually try full swapping. Their "why" was to keep the sexual vibe spicy and fun between them and to prevent boredom. For Kenzie and her partner Gary, their motivation was to meet new people who also enjoyed "twisty" activities.

After you define what you want, you can identify the barriers that might be preventing you from getting it. A common barrier is a spouse who isn't on the same page or is unaware of your interest in the lifestyle. Another can be a lack of swinger partners or insecurities about taking the next step14. It can also be a challenge to find a four-way connection where all four people click. Even with the abundance of single males on lifestyle sites, it can be hard to find quality partners who follow through with plans.

Cultivate a Positive and Open Mindset

Once you've defined your "why" and identified potential barriers, the next step is to cultivate a positive and open mindset. One of the most popular ways to get in the right headspace before a date or party is to pick out a sexy outfit. In a poll of podcast listeners, 36% said this helps them get in the right mindset. Another 33% said that talking about boundaries with their partner is key.

Other suggestions from listeners for getting in the right headspace include:

• Opening a bottle of wine.
  
  

• Dressing up and taking some pictures.
  
  

• Recapping previous sexy experiences with your partner on the way to a new event.
  
  

• Having a conversation about how the event should go and what phrases to use to signal interest or a desire to bail.
  
  

It’s also important to address your own insecurities. Discuss them with your partner so they can help you feel confident, especially in naked situations.

Remember, you will inevitably have a bad experience at some point. When this happens, try to find the good in it. A not-so-great experience can help you learn more about what you want and don't want in the future. Don't dwell on the negatives or dry spells.

Stay open to new possibilities. Being too rigid in your preferences can take away from great connections and experiences. For example, in the past, Madison was firmly against kissing other people, which she now feels may have limited some experiences. Kenzie never thought she and Gary would be a full-swap couple or play separately, but they took the plunge and are glad they did. Trying new things can lead to new sexual experiences and a better connection with your partner.

Take Inspired Action

You've defined your why and cultivated a positive mindset. Now it's time to take inspired action.

• Prep with your partner. Have your partner choose a sexy outfit or lingerie for a date to get the sexual energy flowing from the start.
  
  

• Plan ahead. Planning dates and parties gives you something to look forward to and prepare for, so things don't feel rushed.
  
  

• Regularly communicate. Talk with your partner about needs, desires, and boundaries before and after lifestyle situations.
  
  

• Go where your people are. Put yourself in situations where you’ll meet the type of people you want to meet. If you’re interested in BDSM, go to BDSM events. Get on dating apps and go to parties and meet-and-greets to find your tribe.
  
  

Keep in mind that meeting great people is the hardest but most rewarding part. Be patient. The right experiences will come to you at the right time. It takes time to find people you click with and develop those relationships. You don’t need to rush to find greatness in the lifestyle, and some of the best experiences are those that flow organically.

Manifesting positive experiences is an ongoing journey of self-discovery, communication, and intentional action. By focusing on what you desire, maintaining a positive mindset, and taking intentional steps, you can create a fulfilling and enriching lifestyle for you and your partner.

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